♥

the RIGHT man

2007-12-11T17:10:00.000+08:00

If men were like buses, how do you catch one? A more important question is - how do you catch the RIGHT one? Simple: You take only the bus that's headed the RIGHT direction. First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before its made on an emotional one.

What about love?, you ask. I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently - it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right directions: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.

Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts. So when you do gather facts, let us compare the process to clothes shopping.

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another colaborer in the faith?

Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14). You need to have common interest and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going your direction, get off the bus & wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord"( Prov 18:22). Note -who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy because he's shy. Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because he first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man-your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be suitable over for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? broken relationships? problems in making commitments? Including the job market? mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some began to unravel. Give yourself time and space to checkout the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is your guy guided by a sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be a support of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complementary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes.

When I go shopping always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you are a priceless jewelry - because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Your prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day You present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to cast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus Name.

Amen.

stranger

2007-07-04T20:20:00.000+08:00

Not that I would have cared. No, it is not the reason why I stopped. He gave a faint sigh, like the sigh of one who has a thousand stories to tell, but only a moment time left in one’s life, and not enough power to utter a single word clearly enough to be paid attention — to be respected by the listener.

In fact it was the sound of a piece of metal hitting the asphalt pavement that made me turn around. I had already passed the man, walking hastily — as I always do — in order to reach my destination in time. I had all the time in the world that evening (May 21, 2007). And I had nowhere to go — I just walked, as I always do, determined to get somewhere in time. No matter where.

But as I tried to pick my keys from the pocket of my black jacket, a small coin fell on the ground — making that tingling noise, the voice of one’s legal property being torn from one’s hands and given to strangers to trample underfoot. Why would I pick the keys from the pocket here, on the street, kilometers away from any door which the keys could open? It was the sense of security: wishing to be sure that the situation is completely in my control — that there is nothing which could hinder me from doing my will precisely in the way I prefer, precisely at the time I choose. — Like having lost one’s keys when one wishes to open a door.

Yes, I had heard right: there was a ten cents coin lying on the ground beside a man, a stranger to me, and seemingly a stranger to all the people who passed him on the pavement that afternoon. It was still summer, but it was the first warm and sunny evenings of the year were at hand. The day was all too beautiful to be wasted in talking to a complete stranger — who was not even handsome or beautiful, or good-looking — and listening to the obscure groans he uttered. Why should I care what he was trying to say, what kind of a burden he might have on his heart?

But the coin I did pick from the ground, and put it into the pocket of my fashionable black jacket. I was better off than the old man, who was sitting on the bench with a newspaper in his hands, murmuring something at me. I guess my income had to be twice better than what he got. And I looked more stylish — younger, healthier, more joyful.

The man grabbed the sleeve of my jacket and drew me closer to himself. It was surprising — such sudden demand of personal contact, intimacy that two strangers passing each other on the street do not often develop between themselves. I was curious to know what could come out of such an exceptional situation, I... I forgot to draw myself back, to forcefully free myself of the grip of the man and rush away.

The old man whisked his newspaper into my hands and said: ”Please read it for me.” I am not so sure what the words exactly were that he uttered from his mouth, but this is what I understood his meaning to be. The man was not blind: he could see both me and all the people who were walking on the street. But perhaps his sight was too weak for reading the small print of a newspaper.

I looked at the front page. It was dated four days ago. Disappointing. To waste a nice day in reading news that were no news any more. Isn’t it like throwing one’s coins away when one could as well buy candies with them? Or like sitting beside a stranger when one could as well walk free and lone on the street, hurrying somewhere — and then hurrying from that somewhere into another somewhere, and perhaps sit own in this somewhere, and be lone and free.

”Read the classified advertisements”, said my friend. — The old man whom I scarcely knew at all, but who had courageously and intrusively grabbed my sleeve, demanding me to pay attention to himself.

I opened the requested page, and, so... what then? Should I read aloud all the announcements, all these cats for sale, lost dogs wanted, motor vehicles rented, repaired, washed and painted?

Go to the miscellaneous section”, the man and pleaded.

Those ads were not so many, only fifteen or twenty. I was pleased to see that the effort of reading them would perhaps not be more than what I was ready to invest my energy in right then. In a monotonous, disinterested voice I recited announcement after announcement: second-hand bicycles, unused electronic devices, lost wedding ring…

”There! Read that one again, oh please”, said the man, filled with excitement.

My friend wanted to explain something to me. He leaned forward, getting his face close to my ear, and whispered: ”It is the ring of my mistress. She lost it a month ago. Oh! What a sorrowful thing it was, to find out that the ring which you have carried for five decades cannot be found from anywhere. I bought it at Dahl jewelry shop, I can still remember how the saleswoman was dressed that morning. In pink, that’s what it was, in soft, charming pink... But the shop isn’t there any more. I think they went bankrupt soon after the bombing situation in Gensan City. Such a pity, it was a nice little store. And we have our fiftieth anniversary on Sunday.”

It was Sunday yesterday. The man didn’t say more about his wife or the wedding ring, he only brushed his grey hair with a plastic comb. There was a cute mixture of old and new in him — a mixture of the past and the present, years gone by and years currently created before our eyes.

”I think I will go and buy a bunch of roses”, the grey-haired gentleman said. ”I’ll ask the saleswoman to choose beautiful ones. What do you think, will she be dressed in light pink? Just like the lady at Dahl jewelry shop. But my mistress, she wore a dark dress this morning. That’s how you can tell that a woman is getting old... They wear darker clothes. No, I will tell my darling to wear something brighter this evening.”

The man stood up and started to slowly walk into the direction of the gas station. There was a distinguished air of nobility in him. Something that cannot be purchased with money, or won in a lottery. Was he stylish? Yes — he was not like the laughing youngsters in the advertisements, but there was something else in him, something more admirable, more valuable.

I still held the newspaper in my hands when the old gentleman disappeared behind the corner of one of the houses. I didn’t open or read the paper any more, I only sat in silence on the bench. Time was the only thing that moved, everything else stood still. Should I... arise and leave?

I was afraid to do that. I leaned back in the bench and stared into the horizon. I did not want to walk away, hurrying into a direction chosen at random, on the impulse of one moment. I wished that when I would get up and leave, perhaps I would know for sure where I am going, and what I want.

And it’s just that everything starts with a voice in our heads that says I want to do this. But things can only come true if you listen to another that says "go ahead –you’ll never know until you try".

There are people who bring us down. And there are people who give us hope, encourage us to dream our dreams, and help us to do more than we thought we could. Courage –to try things out, to take chances, to overcome difficulties (and make good things happen), and darn it, jut to get things done. Then of course, there’s love for what we do and for other people. And most importantly, it’s attitude.

The measure of greatness is when you learn how to discipline yourself in every aspect of your life. The number of people whose lives you’ve touched in a good way. Not being caught up in the trappings of success, because these things will not define you as an individual. At the end of the day, you’ll still be the same person, and all that will matter is that you have a good heart.

It is the passion of my life: to be in full control of the events — to be able to do everything precisely in the way I want, exactly at the time I choose.

_asheLy

young heart

2007-06-16T19:51:00.000+08:00

To tell the story of courtship, I must begin at the very start--when I was a baby. Yes, I said 'baby.' As soon as I was born, my parents began praying for my future mate. Daily through all my growing-up years they prayed for his childhood, his salvation, his growth in Christ. Little did they know that a family 500 miles away was also praying for their son's future wife!

When I turned thirteen, my mother started me praying for my husband. Not that he'd be rich or handsome (though I must confess I sneaked in a few petitions that he wouldn't look like a gorilla!), but that he would know Christ, desire to serve him, and wait for me. At the same time, Mom told me about a letter she had written to herself when she was thirteen. She sealed it to be opened when she turned eighteen and kept it in a box for herself. That letter contained a list of the qualities she wanted in a husband--the things she would wait for. Inspired, I wrote a similar list and a letter and sealed them up, but I marked the envelope for opening on my twenty-first birthday. The letter lay safe in a little keepsake trunk, nearly forgotten through my high school years. In the meantime, I prayed when I remembered to for the one I would marry. But my parents continued to pray for him every day.

I didn't date anyone when I was in high school, and it wasn't just because I was raised righteously with full of discipline and a courtesy of a young lady or because my parents believed in "courtship." They hadn't really thought about it at that point. But they raised three kids who didn't date by choice all the same. It just didn't make sense to us as we watched friends get involved with someone, get hurt, and break up--over and over and over again. Our youth group was full of kids who fell in and out of relationships without managing to hold on to many friends. Mom and Dad encouraged us instead to be friends with anyone we could, whether male or female. They reminded us to wait on the Lord's timing and be content where He had us. That doesn't mean we were never lonely. It doesn't mean I never wished someone would ask me out. I'm human! God places the desire in our hearts for companionship. It takes work to focus that desire on our families and friends without falling into the "dating" trap. I know it would be especially difficult for a person who isn't a part of a close-knit, loving family.

No matter how difficult it is, though, I believe it is crucial to commit our desires and needs to God. God doesn't want His people to be miserable or frustrated! He wants to do His will through them. Aside from salvation, committing to a life partner is the next most important decision anyone makes. It is not something to be done lightly or without a lot of prayer. And young adults need to support each other in this, not tear each other down. I am convinced that the high divorce rate in this nation comes in large part from the dating culture we've built. (By "dating," I mean serial relationships, not just stopping for a cup of coffee with a member of the opposite sex.) Dating creates the mindset that I can get out of a relationship as soon as it doesn't meet my needs, my desires, my wants, and my agenda. We try people on like they were clothing with a money-back guarantee! This does not honor the other person or God, who created each individual in His image. It is selfish and assumes we will always have things the way we want them when we want them.

So we come around to courtship. Let me say right off that I don't see courtship as an alternative to dating. In my opinion, dating should be out of the question. "Courtship" (or "family-centered relating" or whatever you like to call it) is something entirely different. It is not the "biblical" way to meet the opposite sex or go out. That would miss the point entirely. Courtship first is a completely new mindset--one that erases the old "get a date or be a geek" mentality. This takes some doing if you've been brought up to view dating as the normal way to find a mate. It begins with the decision to commit each day to God and His calling on my life. It comes with the knowledge that God has already chosen the person I am to marry (if I am to marry). It is the realization that I can never be content married until I am content single. If I live in despair because I don't have a "significant other," then I have not learned to lean on God. And do note that the word "courtship" gets thrown around a lot these days by parents and others eager to dump dating, but it's not the name that's important--it is the principle of the thing, whatever buzzword is used.

But let me get back to the story. I went to college with my head in the clouds. Because my parents had met at college, I was sure I would find my future mate there. Sure thing, one came but didn’t work out that way. I had promised Mom and Dad that if anyone asked me out, I would tell him he had to talk with my dad first. I had committed my college time to the Lord and was prepared to follow his leading. I had a lot of friends at school, both guys and gals. The guys treated me like a sister and protected me from any "creeps." My brother had lots of friends, and we spent some time together we could. My second year was fabulous, with even more friends than before. And, yes, there were a lot of neat guys at school that I liked, but I kept my promise to remain focused on God and not go looking around for "The One."

As the time passed by and the year rolled around, I was beginning to wonder where this guy could be! I had never been asked out by any of the “nice guys”, and, even though I didn't want to date, I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Lots of my friends got asked out. But guys treated me like I was a relative or something. Don't get me wrong--this was all very nice! I just wondered if there ever would be anyone for me. Finally, I asked my brother if he knew why no one asked me out. He said, "You're intimidating." I was shocked. ME? Intimidating? I thought that was the craziest thing I'd ever heard! I asked a close girl friend what my brother meant, and she told me that guys would never dream of treating me the way they treated other girls, because they knew I had standards I wouldn't let down. They knew I was waiting for the best. I couldn't believe it. I had never told anyone those things. I'd talked with some of my girlfriends about my ideals, sure, but certainly not the guys! But they knew. My brother said it was just obvious. Guys felt protective of me. Some who didn't like me as well, called me the "Snow Queen," implying that I was just too cold to ever go out with anyone. Ouch!

It was that year that I opened the letter I'd written to myself at age thirteen. I laughed and laughed. What a child I had been, I thought. An impossible dreamer! Here is the list of qualities I had written:

1. He will be a Catholic or a Christian and desire to be the spiritual leader of our family.
2. He will love God more than he loves me and will want to serve Him.
3. He will be at least either two years older or younger than me.
4. He will have a great sense of humor and love old movies.
5. He will want to raise as many children as the Lord chooses to bless us with.
6. He will want me to be a stay-at-home mom.
7. He will play at least one musical instrument.
8. He will love history and reading and writing.
9. He will be nice looking...at least to me, if no one else thinks so.
10. He will love his family and mine.
11. He will like to eat broccoli.
12. He will sweep me off my feet, but only after he has won my family's approval.

Broccoli? Had I been out of my mind when I wrote that list? I laughed until I cried. I must've been crazy. There wasn't one guy on the planet who came anywhere close to fitting this list! No guys I knew wanted lots of kids. No guys I knew wanted their wife to stay at home--they all wanted two incomes, big houses and cars. No guys I knew played a musical instrument and loved history. I had made up an ideal man who would never exist. So I folded the list back into the envelope and decided God probably hadn't taken it seriously either.

Once I graduated from college, I decided I would never marry. It hadn't all happened the way I'd imagined four years before, so I told my parents I was sure God was calling me to be single. It didn't matter that I'd always wanted to be a wife and mother. I could serve in an orphanage in Africa and have lots of kids around me. I could be a teacher. I could baby-sit for the rest of my life! But God knew me from the womb. He had planned my life before I had a life to call my own. He had everything ready, but He was waiting for the right time.

So I began my full-time job and made new friends. Well-meaning childhood friends pitied my unmarried state and tried to match me up with "eligible" guys, but I resisted. I was determined to be content where God had me and not look for Mr. Right. I told my parents I had grown cynical at college. I thought all guys (except for ones I was related to) were jerks. Secretly, I wanted to believe in that list I'd written, but I felt silly telling anyone that. I wanted to wait for the best, though it looked as though that was a fantasy. A year passed--one of the most wonderful years yet. God brought people into my life who were readying me for The One, though I didn't realize it at the time, of course. Everything that happened added on to what God had been doing throughout my life. My interests in Law and reading intensified. Although I'd always been fascinated by the Civil War, I became passionately interested in Politics. Little did I know. God does have a sense of humor--and impeccable timing.

I believe that this young heart deserves the right timing, for a fact the there’s nothing wrong with being single. It’s actually nice to be free. The whole world sees that I can take care of myself. But honestly, I wouldn’t mind having someone who would walk me home… I wouldn’t mind letting someone hold me when I’m just too weak to go on. It’s nice to be free but I wouldn’t mind being bound to someone who loves me as me.

And for all good times sake, this young heart still I sailed along in oblivion.
_asheLy

choose one

2007-06-08T00:46:00.000+08:00

...you are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An elderly woman who is having a potentially life-threatening health trauma.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

There can only be one passenger in your car.

To which one do you provide a ride?

Think it over before you continue reading...

(...that even einstein could hardly think of... he's actually picking)

OK, have you made your choice? Go ahead then, read on...

♥

♥

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This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the sick woman to the hospital. Then, I could stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

___

The Grace of God will keep you, where the will of God takes you.

_ash

hold me close

2007-05-30T20:09:00.000+08:00

Ja,

It’s been a long strange journey hasn’t it? There have been too many nay-sayers in my life, too many happenings that were just plain detrimental to getting anything accomplished. In back of those, you helped me face those people and those things and pass through or by them. I can’t believe that I’ve done what I did, and did it as well as I did. Now, it’s the culmination of efforts, the degree that I’ve my eyes on, and perfection can wait until life itself is almost perfect. I want to say so much, so much “thank you” and I haven’t a clue as to how to do so because it is such an immense task. I know that I wouldn’t be sending out this invite without you, and that’s a fact. It would have been far too difficult to try this on my own, and I think it would have been hard for anyone. So, your help has been invaluable.

______________

<- this is me now... hmp.

At the end of my first attempt to a "supposed new journey in life", I just caught my eyes drooped thru the corridors of the “undecided”, I sat down and wrote these words ...

Plenty to do, but nothing is done,
I'm too busy now … oh, I gotta run.
I can't look around, must keep on the ball,
I cannot look back 'cause I don't wanna fall

The clock on the wall it keeps up the beat,
but somehow it seems I am losing my feet

Oh, where will it all end? Where will it all end?

Sounds like confusion, huh? Yeah, it was ... but I am glad for the confusion of that part of my life. The real tragedy would be to forget it, for as Trinity told Neo (in the movie, Matrix): "You've been down that road before and you know where it leads." I've seen that road come up so many times since then. I'm only glad that I have learned to recognize it before I find myself too far down it each time. :)

Life begets life. You know what I think? hmmmm I'm gonna tell you anyway! :) I think we've been trained to listen for the wrong stuff (you know things such as "hearsay; gossips; blah-blah"). But we're trying to find that ONE "proof" that will break through so we can concentrate on the argument instead of the fact that this is SIMPLY a thing or a person who is caught up in human reasoning and confusion JUST LIKE WE HAVE BEEN MOST OF OUR LIVES. I think we study "apologetics" mostly to keep ourselves convinced that "we're right and their wrong". Well, don't get me wrong... I love a lot of the stuff I learned from my collegiate career, but I have realized on what's the purpose of living thru this life, that it was mostly for ME and that I just wanted others to sense that same confidence I gained from it.

You know what I discovered? After MANY encounters, much like you have described, I came to realize that I was missing the simplicity of life and freedom. I came to see that THEY were just like ME: Struggling, trying to "please God", hoping to win a "victory", desirous to take news back to their peers that they won over one of those "hard core" people. But as the reality, Jaja (my best buddy) began to give me confidence in a totally different way. I was able to really listen to such people as being filled with the same kind of agendas as the rest of humanity... the same kind of agendas I knew and understood. I learned to listen to their words without getting thrown off by the pretense of their claims. And the bottom line is??? ... we are not bound by law, but by the chains of love alone.

Accept the fact that sometimes other people's words would cut you like a knife. But you should never be disheartened. Listen to the voice inside of you. Sometimes words just can not express our feelings. Sometimes our actions are much more meaningful than words. A hug can sometimes express more than our words will ever express. Sometimes, just being there to listen is more meaningful and helpful to others.

_ash

closing cycles

2007-05-10T19:35:00.000+08:00

one always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages that we have to go through.

closing clycles, shutting doors, ending chapters... whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave the past behind... the moments of life that have finished.

did you lose your job? having a loving relationship come to an end? did you leave your parents' house? gone to live abroad? has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

you can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. you can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

but such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your partner, your friends, your relatives, sister, brothers, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

none of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. what has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescence, sons, daughters that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. that is why it is so important (however painful it maybe) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

let things go. release them. detach yourself from them. nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, and nothing else.

nothing is more dangerous that not accepting love, relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished. tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. nothing is irreplaceable. a habit is not a need. this may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

closing cylces. not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

______

so long,
♥ ash

who deserves your vote

2007-04-20T12:37:00.000+08:00

i browse some articles this noon time and this one have really gotten my attention as an avid reader of Philippine Star newspaper. realizing some certainties of what "celebrity" nuisance had brought about the perception of each Filipinos especially of those in the class C, D, and E... that in my little way of proliferating this verity, i may be of help for you to decide as to "who deserves your vote"

Celebrity politics

A LAW EACH DAY (KEEPS TROUBLE AWAY) By Jose C. Sison

The Philippine Star 04/20/2007

Welcoming and feting somebody bringing honor to the country is but proper. The problem, however, is we tend to exaggerate and go overboard in expressing our admiration and rendering our tribute.

Manny Pacquiao deserves our accolade for his outstanding exploits in the ring. He has indeed made us proud to be Filipinos at least in the field of sports. This is one of the rare instances when our country has acquired global fame for being the best rather than the worst. The perseverance and determination he has shown to rise out of abject poverty into unimaginable prosperity is indeed inspiring and worth emulating. His life undoubtedly proves that success is attainable through sheer discipline, hard work and an indomitable spirit; that even a poor bakery helper in a far-flung province can become a millionaire many times over not by pure luck but by "one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration". He really deserves to be acclaimed a "hero" and dubbed the "people’s champ".

But, it is already an "overkill" to be repeating and re-enacting this hero’s welcome and red carpet treatment everytime he goes to the boxing arena and wins the fight by mauling his opponents. The media hype, ticker tape or victory parade and Malacañang reception every time he returns home from abroad after "destroying" his opponent in the ring, is already too much. This kind of treatment is like telling the whole world that we have a dearth of heroes except in a field that even emphasizes too much violence and brutality. Many others who also brought honor to our country in more worthy endeavors should have been, but was not, feted with such exaggeration.

The Pacquiao mania once more brings into focus our wrong sense of values. At the start, Pacquiao looks like an authentic hero. However, because of the excessive recognition given to him especially by media, he has become more of a celebrity than a real hero. His fame is no longer largely due to his remarkable exploits and exemplary traits. It is more because of the media hype and publicity gimmick to promote the big business of boxing that thrives on the gory spectacle of two people trying to maim and knock each other out. This is the new kind of "hero" that media has created out of Pacquiao. This is the new "hero" idolized by our people. His popularity has become his own shield against any adverse reports concerning his personality such as his alleged profligacy and marital infidelity. Like all celebrities, people tend to overlook or even admire his more unwholesome exploits. Fame and fortune must really have gotten into his head that he is now even thinking of taking a big jump from the boxing ring to the halls of Congress.

Unknowingly or perhaps knowingly and willingly, Pacquiao has allowed himself to be dragged into politics Philippine style. The recent hero’s welcome accorded him after the San Antonio, Texas bout appears to be nothing but a cheap political stunt not only for Pacquiao himself but also for certain candidates trying to capitalize on his celebrity status. To be sure, Pacquiao’s latest bout is not as spectacular and bruising as to earn for him a "hero’s welcome" and red carpet treatment in Malacañang. There is nothing "heroic" in his last performance in the ring against an obviously weaker opponent. Apparently, the ticker tape parade was part of a campaign gimmick to gain a lot of media mileage and boost the mayoralty bid of Mayor Lito Atienza’s son who wants to succeed his father in another bid to establish political dynasty right in the capital city of Manila. If Atienza is a real friend and second father to Pacquiao, he should not have organized that "hero’s welcome" at the height of the election campaign. A "second father" would have advised Pacquiao to stick to boxing and leave politics to others with better qualifications than a powerful fist.

I am not belittling sports and movie celebrities who desire to serve in the government by entering the political arena. They have all the rights as Filipino citizens to run for public office. But it is also their duty to provide the Filipino people with real choices based on experience and qualifications for the position rather than mere popularity. I am sure that in seeking public office their main motivation is the strong belief that they have better chances of winning because of their celebrity status and not because of their superior ability to bring good governance to the people. They should be honest enough to tell the people that it is their popularity and name recall rather than their administrative or legislative ability that drove them to run for public office. It is stretching the imagination too far to think that those with excellent fistic or thespian abilities are better equipped to effectively legislate or perform the task of public administration. I dare say this at the risk of incurring the ire of their diehard fans because it is the truth.

In this country, all citizens, 18 years and above who can read and write, are entitled to vote at their place of residence for the last six months. Apparently, the big majority of these voters come from the C, D, and E sectors of our society who are enthralled by personalities they have often seen on TV, movies and newspapers especially sports and movie stars. Hence, when these personalities present themselves as candidates for public office, their instinctive reaction is "iboboto ko yan" without thinking anymore or considering whether these candidates are fit for the position or can really promote their welfare and interests. To these voters anyone lionized by media is "magaling" and their "idol". In addition, inside the polling booth during crunch time when they encounter hardship in simply filling up the ballots, the names that come to mind right away are of course their idols.

This is the unfortunate reality in our electoral process that has spawned celebrity politics. Like political dynasties, celebrity politics do not guarantee equal access to opportunities for public service. Like political dynasty, it is the main cause of bad governance and deterioration in the quality of public service. In the coming elections, lets vote for candidates not merely because of their popularity but mainly because of their capability to render public service.

L♥VE has something to tell...

2007-03-31T21:10:00.000+08:00

...when we get to the heart of the matter, the center purpose of our lives is to simply love, to love with arms wide open, to love with mind, body and spirit. Love at its core is the most powerful spiritual path one can journey on and seems to be the most elusive. We must be missing something because we keep getting love all wrong? We fall in love and out of love over and over. We get love sick at the onset, and heart broken when it fails. We have all been wounded by love and have been the one doing the wounding. It rips us up, turns us inside out and burns us to a crisp, yet we keep asking for more...

...the power of love is so encompassing and overwhelming that it can sweep us away by its beauty and power. It can feel like a fire burning into our very souls. Love can make all other things in life pale in comparison. If Love can move mountains, then I would expect love can do just about anything at all. Are we afraid of its power or are we ready to be taken by love all the way? All we have to do is look at our life history to discover the answer.

...when I look at how we speak about love and discovered that our thinking about love has negative connotations. We say "your love sick" and "love is blind." When you fall in love your friends say "be careful, be smart, cover your bases." Why do we relate love to an illness or something to be cautious with like a ticking time bomb? With these kinds of projections on love, how could we possibly make love last? We have already begun the journey with a handicap. We have failed before we have even taken our first step.

...when I was a kid in Sunday school I was told God is Love. They never said God loves and then falls out of love ... or God loves sometimes and sometimes not, or loves with conditions. So if God is a living example of overwhelming unconditional love why is it we can't get it right. Is it because God's love is blind?

...i looked at how we fall in love. When we fall in love we see perfection in the other person. We are blown away by the connection, the power, the intensity, the beauty. We see the truth of that person, not the illusion. We are seeing this person as God sees this person. God does not see us linked to our past, our mistakes, our reactions or programming. All these negatives are just conditions caused by simply being human. We don't get through life without a few bumps. The Dalai Lama says that all people are good at heart and that it is simply their hard situations that make them who they are. Is the Dalai Lama Love sick, blinded by love? Hey if that is the case, I want to experience the world like he does.

...why do we keep letting the insidious negative programming of this world sneak in and open our physical eyes and close our hearts, ending our blissful blindness? Why do we allow ourselves to see perceived faults and react out of past experience? I am no expert in love, but I bet it has something to do with the fear of intimacy... You know... In-to-me-see. ^^ Love brings a brilliant piercing light into any relationship in which every corner of our being can be pulled out and examined by those who love us. Love is the purest form of spiritual awakening. Do we really want to become spiritually awakened? Do we really want to be really seen by another? Are we afraid to merge, like God merges with us?

...then I notice another pattern many of us seem to have... we doubt love. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar speaks about doubt and he says, "If you observe the nature of doubt, it is always about something that is positive. You never doubt what is negative. You know this from your own experience... If someone says "I love you very much" you say "really?" But if someone says. "I hate you" you never say "Do you really?" Understanding your doubt as questioning the positive and having confidence in what is negative, and knowing that you are having doubt, there must be something good present. Once you cross this barrier of doubt, then further progress comes." The Star Elder say something similar. They say "Doubt always follows truth. Doubt is the marker to remind you that you just had a powerful truth!"

...love is a force to be reckoned with. It will keep searching for an open conduit in which to express itself totally. If we open the rear escape door in relationship, called doubt or fear, love is going to leave quickly to find another willing person to express blinding love through. If we apply our past wounds to the present, we break the spell love has on us and create the problem we had hoped to avoid. We may feel temporally safe from a possible hurt by pulling back, but soon we discover we are lonely and out there again searching for love.

...one thing I have learned over and over, spiritual awakening does not come to those who play it safe! Spiritual awakening is full of risks and is a bit like being pushed off a cliff. The falling is great as long as you forget to hit the ground. So close your eyes and go blind to the fact that the ground is down there somewhere and jump without hesitation.

A line in one of my favorite prayers is "May I have the eyes to see as God sees, May I have the heart that Loves like God Loves." I know God loves me no matter what I do, good, bad (my judgment by the way) and otherwise. So If I want to love as God Loves... hey I got to get back to being love sick, blind, and under the spell love can bring.... and stay there! Thank God for a great example ... Love is blind and I hope I never wake up. ^^

Click Me! - am sure this will make you smile. hehe ^^

♥♥♥

behind open door

2007-03-16T22:08:00.000+08:00

sometimes this meekness sentiment never came out of non-existence! that days when you feel like you detest the whole world, your surroundings and everybody else. i once thought of it... some people been asking how i've been... that to sad extent it's the moment i want to keep in silent, times that i wanna live life bein discreet about my profile and to where i am now or my plans ahead... at times i feel like am a deaf-mute, numb and never cared at all. simply because i don't wanna be bothered of the thoughts of other people's negativeness.

so thanks to those few people i entrust my life, for the ones who believed in me, appreciates and listen. .. who never gets out of nowhere, who would always there when you needed. i appreciate that much, although time is running fast, in months or years to come, i know we'll be grown ups again, experiencing the ups and downs in life...

recently, my back aches as well as my chest pain attacked once in a while. i'm bit it was due to anxiety. coz looking back and scrutinizing what's with my present situation equals (=) a pretty hard decision. sometimes the feelings seemed flattering me but in back of those things, _ just one move you'll surely lose the game! i know you don't understand me (for now) but one thing's for sure, it's irresistible. haha get it? hmp, anyway, i'll change the topic, since this requires some deep analysis... (i'll write back the details soon once i've decided)_

hmmp. this month is full of traveling hours. behind pressures, time management is always a must. and... i miss the chance bein with my bros starting off _monday coz i was in N.C.R. ... i miss the night life over DC and i know sometime tomorrow will not be enough to feed my desires. *sigh* wish i could have a longeeeeer vacation! i just wanna get out in here... _just counting my few more weeks, days, hours, minutes, & seconds...

hmp, what's new with my bookshelf this time? hmp... ah yadah! i bought some novelty books, one written by Anne Rice entitled "the Witching Hour", some Philippine Ghost Stories particularly the "House of Horror", and hmp of course, my ultimate fave_ Bo Sanchez' "Simplify and Live a Good Life"... and here i'm picking one of his great piece...

it was "keep looking for the open door" that says_

_you won't close every sale, no matter what you do.

some people won't like you.

in fact, along the way, you'll get lambasted, criticized, ridiculed.

in a word, you'll be rejected. hmp, we'll REJECT the REJECTION! most likely.

because somewhere near that door that just shut you'll find an open door. so keep on looking.

_one day, a man was taking a train ride feeling dejected because he wasn't accepted at this writing job he was applying for. the editor who evaluated his work said he "lacked creativity." on that train ride, this man was doodling in his little note pad & a little mouse was born on that piece of paper. that mouse's name was "Mickey", and that man's name was Walt Disney.

_do you think Albert Einstein was esteemed by all his teachers & classmates alike? Think again. As a kid, one professional said Albert's grade were very mediocre, he was the most likely student to amount to nothing.

_Thomas Edison had more than a thousand failed experiments before he invented the light bulb. It was he who said, "One greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always try just one more time."

_i've also failed many times than Edison. At any one point in my life, i simply could have given into my fears and threw in the towel and said, "that's it. i'm quitting." but i don't have to follow my fears if the deepest voice in my heart says, "Go on. Do what's right."

_in any job, whether it be sales or accountancy, rejection is a given and might as well as finding your right mate. it's merely a question of when it will come, for whom and how you're going to respond it.

_the best responce is to keep on looking for the open door.

***

and be it noted guys... NO ONE MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!!!

Live up a good life guys!

_Ash

test of sincerity

2007-03-02T23:22:00.000+08:00

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how `he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door ".

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

_______

This inspirational story of true love proves to us that love can come when you least expect it. That no matter what you do, either temptation will come to you, your Love to the person that was planted within will stay and never get lost. If you think that the circumstances in your life will inhibit any chance of finding the love of your life, you may be in for a surprise. So, LOVE and never give up!

♥_Ash

inner balance

2007-01-08T00:47:00.000+08:00

Finally, it's year of the piggies! wooh. my friend 'mau' just confronted me last friday that sagittarian people are lucky this year. hmp. "hunto ni?" i just thought. i don't merely believe with "luck" without you, yourself instead working on it. that's so vulnerable when you just get wedged through it, right? hmp. i just think so. hehe

the Inner Balance…

First, Your intimate relationship

A warm, supportive, nourishing and loving relationship with that significant other, will substantially contribute to your inner balance and happiness. Be careful, however, not to bet all your money on this one pillar alone, while neglecting the others! If your happiness depends completely on your relationship, then you are taking a big risk: what will you do when your partner is gone? When that significant other leaves, dies, or loves somebody else, your entire life will collapse because you have nothing else to support you. Don’t link your happiness to just one person! -It's all about the entirety of our well being, that having him around is enough to complete our inner strength to get thru with our other activities.

Second, Your job

A meaningful job where you can express your talents is a valuable source of well being. However, what would happen if you put all of your time and energy in your job, and then some day your employer dismisses you? Your world will fall apart and you are headed for a serious depression. Does it feel like you are married to your job? It is too dangerous to entirely identify yourself with your job without paying attention to the other pillars. You are much more than your business card! -Time would always be of the essence in everything that we do. We don't need a remote control for us to spare sometime, but it's gonna be all about "time management". We can always have a luxury of time as much as we wanted to...

Third, Your children

God knows it’s a wonderful gift to have children. But what happens if you focus too much on your children? A parent who lives only for his children will suffocate them. He puts too much pressure on the child, which then feels obliged to live up to the parent’s expectations. The child may feel solely responsible for fulfilling the need for love and affection of the parent. This is a burden too heavy for any child to bear, and it jeopardizes the child’s free development and individuality. One day the children will leave to start their own life somewhere else. If your children are your only pillar of happiness, then your whole world will fall apart. What’s left is emptiness, depression, dependency, and trying to make the grown-up children feel guilty for not caring enough about their parents. Don’t take your kids hostage. They are entitled to a life of their own. -Having them around (i mean children) will always leave us the sense of responsibility. although i haven't got one yet, i know that by my parents, as they've raised me, will somehow giving me enough duty to take the risk that they bear while on the stage that we were a grown ups. i know that one day, we'll gonna payback the goodness in heart that they've shared to us. they may sometimes commit a mistake but for me, my parents are a good exemplary to put on hold for my future at stake. they will always stand as my techie in life, in loving, and experiencing sorrows and pain. we can always correct what has been erroneosly done... but once is enough if you think you are smart.

Fourth, Your house and material possessions

Creating and enjoying a beautiful house brings a lot of pleasure into your life, but what are the dangers of making property your most important life goal? When it’s all about having, buying and possessing “stuff,” the only guarantee you have is that of dissatisfaction. You don’t know how much stuff you need to possess before you will find peace, and therefore you will never find it. There is no end to “having”. As long as you are convinced you need to have things in order to be happy, you will be restless and a slave of your own attitude. Being rich is okay, of course, but it should not be a goal in itself, otherwise you are doomed to be unhappy, always waiting until you possess another car, another house, more money, more stuff, … Not a good recipe for happiness! -It's all about living within your means. you cannot have all possessions in this world at once. it's gonna be "satisfaction"... a self-fulfilling activity that you love but too much of it will result to greediness... greediness that soon will result to "sinful deeds" that soon will be impossible to bear like losing our love ones. it's good to have everything but there would always be a way on how to control it... remember, we are living a ME experience, in depths of our soul, we know what we are doing because we, ourselves, are somehow the engine of our own ego. if it's unbearable, remember God is always around...

Fifth, Meditation

Meditation is good, you say! Of course it is! But what if all you do is meditate, and hope everything will be fine? You will get not much satisfaction or happiness that way. You will feel useless and restless. Your body needs action, and your energy needs a goal to strive for, so that it can flow through your veins and direct your life. Meditation only will get you nowhere. There’s more to life! -just like a song that sings... "We may say I'm a dreamer... " or "Dream, the impossible dream..." well yeah, anything will always be possible if you kept on believing but of course "doing" it. we would not reach the highest peak of the mountain without exerting our muscles thru climbing, right? just like on our dreams, on the middle of our thoughts, hopes and reflections, it's good to have it, but it would be more appreciable if we'll do it gradually but of course in a sense that we love and enjoy the risk that you know would probably infiltrates. just don't be a prisoner on your own desires... wake up now and as what Buddha kept us be reminded of to... live, love, and laugh.

And Sixth, Your friends

Good friends are essential. They are the pepper and salt that give taste to life. They share your experiences and make them worth living. They give you feedback and back you up when you need help. But what if you need to share everything with them? They have their own life, their own experiences to live. Relying on friends for every single thing you do is a ticket for disaster. You need to be able to sometimes do things by yourself. If your friends leave you or break up with you, and they are everything your life is built upon, then your world will fall apart. -hmp, having them around, as i've said, is like a television show. we can always change channels, but we always ended up to same channel to what we like most. some friends come and just go that we may lost connection, but the memoirs once shared will always be there. how i am really grateful to have "few" friends on the road to love and bein loved as well. they seemed play a great role in my life cause without them, life would really be so dull, so pathetic, and gross... there would be no buzz on the road. haha i have no one to laugh out with up to the non-sense point. wooh. hehe i just love my friends. i somehow owe my life to them...

I think you are getting my point: every pillar is good and a valid source of energy and happiness, but it’s dangerous to rely too heavily on only one of them. Leaning on your relationship too much makes you dependent on the other. Identifying with your job too much transforms you into a workaholic. Chasing after material possessions makes you a materialist. Relying on your kids too much suffocates them. Thinking meditation will fulfil all your needs makes you an isolated stranger. Relying on your friends too much makes you a needy person, always turning to somebody else for rescue.

You have a good job? Great, but do take time to play with your kids, to spend some romantic time with your partner, to go out and have fun with your friends, to take care of your house and to meditate.

You are a meditation fan? Don’t forget to clean the house, to help the kids with school, to do your job, to meet your friends and to listen to your partner when he comes back from work.

You invest a lot of time and energy in your house and other material possessions? Fine! Just don’t forget to spend some time with your children, your partner, your friends, enjoy your work and meditate!

You are committed to freedom and friends? Ok, no problem! Now balance your life by taking some time to experience the inner silence, to play with your kids (or somebody else’s), to invest in a particular loving relationship (even if it scares you), to take care of your house and possessions and to excel at your job.

You love someone and that person loves you back? Great! Now don’t forget about your friends, your job, your children (or someone else’s), your house and your inner silence, if you want this relationship to last!

Imagine a peace temple, built on six pillars. If your personal peace temple is supported by one pillar only, then surely the first tornado that comes along will bring it all down! Too dangerous!

The stability of your temple depends on the support of all of these. If one of the pillars is temporarily out of service, nothing catastrophic will happen because you still have the five significant others to carry you on.

If you lose your job, but you still have five other solid pillars to hold you up, you will find the strength to find a new job. Your children are leaving the house? No panic! You still have five other pillars to support your temple! One of your friends has let you down? Your significant other has left you? You have to leave your house? You will be able to handle all of this, if you can revert to other pillars that continue to support you.

Don’t build your happiness on one pillar, but invest in the solid combination of all six of them. Everybody knows about the importance of a balanced diet, as well as the danger of an overdose! In the same way, your inner peace depends on your ability to find the right balance between all of these.

Hope these helps.

♥Ash

hiPpie nEw yEar

2006-12-31T08:00:00.000+08:00

WELCOME 2007

Thanks so much to Year 2006!!!

This yEar had been a total blast to me...

○_•

.•♥~♥~♥•.

An excerpt of Howard Zinn's book have caught my nerves... sayin,

To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.

What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places – and there are so many – where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.

And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.

Since year 2006 will end in a few more hours later, I should say this one of the blissful year I ever had. Mixed feelings have taken me and I never thought that I could be as happy as this. It’s because of the people I have in my life now who mean so much to me. I’m really grateful for everything with this God given gift… which is Life.

Looking forward now, this is what we choose to live and we ought to be. We can change everything in a flick our finger as long as we wanted to. We may commit mistakes but you would certainly know later on that that mistake will take you to a place where you could find yourself and you, yourself after all is one that is left to blame and not the people around you. It’s so wonderful that at this fleeting instance, I have grown. The moment I’m counting my blessings being with the people I’m with was like a rainbow that shines thru me. I often reminded of what Buddha have said… “Meditate. Live purely. Be quite. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds… and SHINE!"

... and as i close my eyes and woke up each day, i hug thru my pillow... and as i open my eyes, only to see how wonderful God gifts are. If this is just a dream... that is close to the end... then i dont wanna wake up anymore...

So long,
Happy New Year guys.

♥Ash♥

barely pink

2006-11-24T23:18:00.000+08:00

hai!! finally, here comes the Greed Island - Season 3 of hunterXhunter. i'm so glad to have friends who's an anime addict like me. i just cant rely on the internet downloads. i should say.. my resources isnt enough to feed me up. i'm quite bored now and i've just waiting for the next episodes releases of Bleach. i wish to come over Japan to have it on my barely pink hands. haha

well ya. right now i'm quite doomed with martial arts movies. just as you know, am a Jet Li fan too. nothing beats his flying techinque. it looks like an anime that comes to reality. hahaha afterall, it ended up like Bleach matched with swordsmanship. I like the suits they are wearing, i sometimes dreamt of becoming one of them. duh, such crazy thoughts. haha

amm ya back to reality... recently, i received an email from co-workers that opened a new opportunity for me. although, it's within the company but i think it would be very beneficial on my part. if i grab the chance, that would certainly bring me back to Manila and i'll be working with the worse demanding pipz. i was kinda asking myself now if i am really ready to take such risk?? amm i was just thinking of trying it though. ... i should say this once in a while... "this is just i can come up with my limited understanding of things, we all have a purpose. if i failed, at least i shall have tried..." perhaps, i'm still yearning for more. but i admit myself that i still need more challenges here to bring me in there. my confidence isn't enough to face things i feared of. but with God, i know i shouldn't be afraid of. there's just one thing that's bugging me now... am not certain with this kind of feeling but it's something that keeps me going. i know it's a bit early to tell but i think i'm happy to stay here for a while. i think i should not be in a hurry to take on things all at once.

yaduh..!! i know now..!! i'll seek guidance from above to make things desirable for me.

Zai jian...

2006-10-04T20:27:00.000+08:00

... late this afternoon, i cried myself as the 5pm rings my ear... more so, i have to bid goodbye to my boss. all i thought i'll be happy when she's gone... but such irony was superseded by the hardships.. struggles... that i've encountered with her... even if how scrupulous she was to my worksheets and entries.. i should say "dedication" has a lot to do with it. i am usually impatient and hot tempered but Maam Cel thought me how to divert my attention from vital to imperative outlook, not only on working attitude but of outside interferences. that's what i miss all about her. she's not only a boss to me, but also a friend and a mom to me. i dunno if i could still have a boss like her. i should say THANK YOU isnt enough to make her feel how grateful i am for what she has been for me.

as i wrote this letter, i can even imagine some months ago.. on how we went on on our reports for 2-3 consecutive weeks and workin on late at night from the office just to meet the deadlines. i thought that by this time when she's gone.. i can now have my life outside (life like stress-free). but to think of it all, that doesn't matter to me somehow. life turns out to be on... "how good can i be in this company i'm workin with and be an asset to whatever or which way it may be." although i'm very fresh to this company... (actually i'm paving my 6th month on way for regularization), but those months i went with her, was truly a remarkable one. as based on my previous work experiences with other companies, i should say this 6 months stay with Dole Phil Inc is equivalent to 2 years of workin out with other companies as i was been. with Maam Cel... as one of the instruments of making it thru, truly EXPERIENCE has worth it all. this is one of the greatest gift i have ever received then. i've learned a lot of things with her.. and now i'm pegging for more...

these things made me cry somehow right now. i cried.... for the person who became part of my daily routine... a very very great TECHIE to me. although we have a lot of differences in our approach in making thru with our work analysis.. but she still patiently thought me how to manage difficult analysis into a simple but brightful one. (sigh.. i cried again. huhuhu)... i say this truly in heart. i mean it, i have a lot of things against her but i never planted grudges in my heart because i wouldnt last this long enough if i did, right? those freaky childish thoughts of mine was already eluded from my cranium, but memories.. some great memories would always stay in my heart and remains in there forever.

Maam Cel.. once again (as you may pass by my journal).. i wanna say YOU'RE THE BEST BOSS i ever had. Thanks so much for the opportunity... i wouldnt be in DOLE right now without you. i wouldnt enjoy my position right now without you. I am really grateful for the acceptance, for the value, and for all the things that shapes me as a better person right now. Thanks so much Maam Cel, because I have grown, not just by myself, but of your gracious help. I just hope that by years to come, as our pure souls will met, sure enough, you're one of the best things that will certainly pop up on my cranium. I know "words" isn't enough to say what i am writing about right now. all i know now is that i'm inspired in writing this scratch because this certainly came from my heart. ♥

Here's more..... Pictures.. during her take off (at General Santos City Airport)

can you find me there? ^^

The Incoming (both ladies in white) and the outgoing (boss' in front)
there she goes..... Sayonara Maam Cel. We'll surely miss you! (tears.. tears... tears...) --(

so enough for now.. i'll just save my tears for us to meet again. zai jian zai hui and happy trip to California!

♥♥♥

ASH

sUper Ok

2006-09-10T18:48:00.000+08:00

lately

i'm rather good at blurring little things

like lines between cleanliness and technology

steady!

i'm trying pretty hard to keep from getting seen

but you pointed out and laughed at me

this jig is up

dont be anything but OK

fact is i must admit i like it

and i decline to choose a team unless

they're paired in 2's.

maybe i'm definetly thinking

ok alright enough i said OK

you can come to

don't run that's not fair!

zOLof

♣

wheew i Love this sOng. it makes my heart sing as well. so alive!!! gonna give ya - - - ♥♥♥ - - -

got that one from a co blogger. although it's a short song, i still love listening on it all over again! and it makes me feel SUPER OK! hmp. ooryt, i surpassed my pretty hectic week and now it's a new week to begin. i once thought of giving up but that doesnt give me enough paveway if i constantly complaining.. so what i did? i just let it be and so far.. job well done. woohoo...

now i'm thinkin bout side trippings? hmmm *thinking* hmmm... i wanna go to davao. right now, i'm plannin ahead so i could give some best times of my life spendin out with my big bro and sister in law. *i'm pretty excited* hehe Life seemed to fill into place now, putting all the bits and pieces together to act as one. But there's one thing left... amm friends... ya know (LOL).. would that be the person down below or is he that guy around HK? haha na-a.. nevermind. What matters to me now is my career, my pet, my interests. get your life priorities first.. ^^

see ya ^^

i gOt a viRus...

2006-09-03T20:42:00.000+08:00

and it's called procrastination. and it's killing me. I got lotta work to do but I just can't seem to finish them. It's killing me to work on it. I know that I once I get in the zone I won’t be able to stop, so why won't I push myself until I'm into it? Been dragging my feet on paying my bills this month. I know feelings of debt bring negative energy Why was I holding onto my money like that? I'm consulting from home so I can focus on my book. A coworker has been proofreading it and she's had it for over a month. She's been avoiding me when I email her. Finally I just told her to give it up. She hasn’t made one comment about the book. Cool, she doesn't like it. I'm not expecting everybody to like it, just like I'm not expecting everybody to like me. But now I'm a little pissed. Would it have killed her to give me some obligatory line like, "seems interesting..." That was what my mother said when she scanned it for all of 20 seconds. it was enough for me, even though I could tell it wasn't her cup of tea. I need to write my inquiry letter to try to get an agent but have I been doing that? No. What am I scared of? My greatest joy is when I get to go to bed at night and when I get to take food breaks in front of the TV during the day. This can't be good. So I try and psychobabble myself. What is the benefit of procrastinating? That’s easy; I don’t have to deal. I don’t have to feel the pressure. But of course in not doing I’m creating more pressure, plus anxiety, plus disappointment. I've been watching some reality series and thinking how much better off I would be if I had a Life Coach on my behind everyday. That’s what I need, someone to stay on my butt. I’ve never been particularly self-motivated, except when I become passionate about something. I don’t particularly like that about myself. It's not like I don't believe in myself. So what’s my problem? &*%$$*()@ ^^

SecLuded

2006-08-15T20:22:00.000+08:00

As I walk down the street passing the many people who are none the wiser, I have a sickening pain running through my veins. It is the loneliness I feel that has built up inside me into a volcano of frustration, hatred and bitterness. I hate that I am alone. I am walking alone, I am going home alone, I am eating alone and I am sleeping alone. Life isn't fair; why am I the only one who feels this way. Everyone walking along this street looks normal, happy and content. No one could possibly know the resentment I feel towards them; people I don't even know.

Everyday I ask myself "what did I do to deserve this?" and "how do I make it go away?" I am stifled with the loneliness that consumes me. Should I kill myself? Should I move away? Thinking maybe it would be better someplace else. Maybe I am going insane and need medication? Besides a few good friends, my only comfort is watching TV, but only for a short period of time. Then the horrible feelings come back. Maybe sleep will help, but will I live through the night? I feel dead inside. I don't like feeling dead. So I wander on to bed with high hopes that I can go right to sleep escaping the day that seems to have lasted weeks. I fall into slumber immediately and actually wake up the next morning with a clear head and a glimmer of hope that life will be easier on this day. It is a bit better than the day before. And the next day is a little bit better again.

Is time actually working on my loneliness? Had I reached rock bottom and there was nowhere to go but up? I worry that I will fall back into the pits of hell and every once in a while I do - I slip into that deep depression of loneliness. At least as time goes on I begin to recognize when the feeling is getting ready to consume me and I have learned what I need to do to ward it off.

♥
Ash

duh day!

2006-08-13T20:19:00.000+08:00

you said things that would slowly turn my world around. you'd touch me in a way that made the ground beneath me suddenly seem feel very unstable. I didn't get the idea at first. I had never fallen in love with anyone I could ever get near before. that always left me very safe. now I didn't really want to grasp the idea of maybe someone actually liking me. plus the fact that you made me weak. some guys had been interested in me before, but I was never interested in them. I don't know why. I never got interested in the people interested in me. not that those relationships would have really mattered. they would have been superficial, I know it, but now? I was terrified and butterflies were doing mad looping down in my stomach. this was now and you were too good to be true.

to the Boy nExt dooR

2006-08-10T20:13:00.000+08:00

To you I will open my heart, I will open it to you - and nobody else! There're secrets - and the secret, there're tears - and the cry, and always a curse of doubt, and only a chance of prayer about me, it's all spinning and whirling and intervenes to me. Can I love you if I scorn myself? I crumple these pure papers, as the foggy foolish fears round up my soul: what's from that it no or will be, and when, and isn't now too late?

♣

My childlike wishes haven't left me still. - What do you want? - The bluebird! But the next question baffles me: -What will you do with it when (if) you caught it? It's really variously: to let it out, to cage it or maybe to cook and eat?

♠

Where are you - whom I'm searching about; how often I take for you some others and so lose you out of my sight. Are you drunk and reeling in the moonless dark? (Are you) standing at the crossroads? (Are you) hunting for another heart? Why don't I call you? With the mess, cooked of strangest thoughts in mind, among lanes of my long expectations, at the open window beyond its drawn curtains - I'm waiting for you. My old wind is making some spells - it's mixing a smell of future with a smell of despair in the damp gusts. I forgive your lack of roads but never any delay, so I bring you fear for a fear and pain for a pain. I've tired of my waiting and idleness, I'll take a way - we'll miss each other.

♣

Who are you? Maybe he or not again? My odd doubts are turning to the crowd of them: it's my wind incites them; the wind wants to take me away - from him, not from you, but if you were the same? And what's the time, when my heart will trample my waiting and my look will break the parting? Today? Tomorrow? Had it passed by me yet, while I was chasing for chances with my net?

He's silent (pretendng to be just numb). But are you coming?

And about happiness, who has it? Is it a sense? Or emotion? Only euphoria? So are you happy? Are you happy without me? (And is it really possible - to be happy by yourself?) What are you talking, what is love? Knock on the soul - loose and desirous. Be knocking! Burn your heart up with the light of my eyes, turn it to ashes with their flame - how else can you learn it? You'll never know me, nobody knows, and I don't well enough; it's a thick deep secret. Look into my soul - then you'll feel blind, but what are you searching here and why for? When you come to be my guest, I'm free to let you in. Yet there's the key to my heart somewhere; I can't give it - you must get. Hold my hand, see and listen: so faith moves the mountains, so love opens the doors, so hope covers both of them with its wings - from envy and idleness.

♠

***

♥

****
Ashely

brOken pLanS

2006-07-25T18:32:00.000+08:00

Life frightens me again. Actually I'm terrified, and I don't know where the unpredictability of things will finally lead me. That's where my angst lies; in the fact that I don't have full control. I like to say that I hate to plan my life, and I do, but suddenly my lack of planning leaves me in a situation like this. In a situation that will show just how dependent I am of people around me. A dependence I hate to recognize. Maybe I hate planning my life as long as the days look the same. As long as I can feel secure with not planning.

a dReam...

2006-07-15T18:19:00.000+08:00

A dream broke my heart once. It was such a beautiful dream. I was so happy and things were like I had wished for them to be for so long. I should have understood that it couldn't have been true. The dream led me astray and when I woke up to reality I got so sad. The fiction my mind had created was what I wanted, and not real life. The dream broke my heart by teasing my senses with a utopia. In the end that would mean that my brain was playing with itself. What good is that? Why would my brain want to hurt itself like that? Hurt me. It seems so destructive. I don't think I learnt anything from it. I'm not so sure there was anything to be learnt either. Maybe my subconscious want to give me a kick in the right direction, making me aware of how unhappy I truly am at present? There's something better out there for me, somewhere. I just have to go looking for. Maybe that was what it was trying to tell me? You could expect any part of your brain to know yourself better than that though.

-.-

sTory of PoChoLA my doGg!e

2006-07-15T17:26:00.000+08:00

This is my PuPpy nAmed: POCHOLA
♥ an American CocKer sPaniEL brEed
♥ bOrn: OctobEr 19, 2005
♥ bougHt last January 15, 2006 at my aunties tOwn -Butuan City, tiMe whEn i was havin my vAcation at Dapitan City. i Have been to Dakak and RizaL Shrine too.

bang! bang! bang! pochola is DEAD (actually just playing dead! hehe

sHe looks like this wHen wEt. looKS L!KE DoGgiE on the sTreets. hahah begGin foR a piEce of bRead. alms... alms.. (lol)

this is Jose RizaL's Cr!B
at Dapitan City

My Alma Matter

2006-07-10T16:41:00.000+08:00

HeYYA pEepaH. watap watap! This is my ColleGe pix!

Batch 2003
NotRe Dame of Dadiangas University

From Down-Left: Jimnard, Joyax, Melai, Dalen, ME, Marj, Jakie, Malulu, Paler, Mersay

From Upper-Left: Arnel, Juanits, Junni, Sheila, Alvin, Joel, Fidel, & Me-ann oops.. someone is missing ... eto tlaga si Helen.. nawawala cguro dahil mi kadate -heheheeh

Finally, we're ComPLete in dz pix... it's bEcause it's oUr f!nal examination on MAS. this was the fiNaL espiSode of our coLLege Life and we SURPASSED all the haRdships that BSAccountancy coursE brOught iNto our LiVes.

♥

AfteraLL we are The sUrvivors!!

For moRe deTails, cLicK thiS j0eL

♥

tHe AccOuntAnts k!osk

♥

tHe f!nAL pArty @ sPr!ngh!LL

Be gone by the summer wind

2006-07-09T14:49:00.000+08:00

Remember the saying, be careful of expressing what you don’t like because it might just fall onto your lap just when you least expect it to happen? Well I guess it got to me.

Together with summers scorching heat, that certain feeling came (I think it was Love but I’m quite apprehensive to label it as such.) Love’s blushed beckoned and it was too late when I realized that I willed myself to be seduced to its searing finiteness. It came like a wild flower, growing in the midst of a blooming friendship; a dew on a budding rose, mornings first light cascading into our room, a simple glace that meted a warm smile and started the first hello. Serendipity? It must be!

There he was sixty kilometers away from me. We had a few good laughs over some things and it was enough to get us talking. It was like yesterday and the ‘morrows meeting on the present; March and December bridged by the preceding February; a linking of two souls to usher a budding friendship.

We talked joked, exchanged opinions and other observations. We were as different as night and day, but common pursuits and similar passions shoved as to meet in the middle. Ours had the makings of a good friendship and we were closed of being best buddies. But friendship became a blur as I was seized with what-ifs and what-could-have-been from him. Already he has fallen and I became confused.

He was almost perfect sweet, smart, mature, caring and brimming with humor. Almost perfect! but not quite because perfection does not exist. If it does then pain would be synonymous to bliss. To have him won’t be right, but to Love him is not wrong either.

And so ‘tis head I chose to heed and I avoided the delicate trappings of that certain feeling, which now I’m definite its love. We could have continued being friends, but fate destined with March’s end come his goodbye, and so I let him into a secret. Goodbye’s failed to make me cry.

It was another bruises that is yet to heal, as another gash on an already they thought a bleeding heart. I tripped and would have suffered a bad fall, that my well-scarred knee failed to bend and cushioned the fall. And so I was hurt, my pride did! But I wouldn’t want him to know.

People have been walking in and out of my life, sometimes slamming the door right onto my face and every time, it hurts- a lot. It was awful enough that I knew how a sprained heart felt, and then he came and splintered it into a pile of powdery tissue by uttering the seven letter word GOODBYE.

So I was left to wonder if it would be possible for a heart that suffered a lot to be whole again. Well, I guess so. It has happened before, for many different reasons, now is no different. After all, these too will pass.

I might as well get used to it. Be thankful and feel blessed for the few souls who have chosen to stay, friends who kept me afloat, and kept me in their hearts. It was a comforting thought, a phrase well said, but not enough to soothe the fragmented pain that has fractured my heart. Maybe after the pain has lapsed.

I wanted to scream but no voice, nor any kind of sound croaked out of my throat. I wanted to text, to write and put into words the hurt that has been reverberating inside my cranium, sending echoes into crevices I have forgotten to exist. But no words came out as I struggled with my pen.

I am seized with a wailing that screamed in every pore of my body. I tried to exhale the bottled hurt that has snuggled at the pit of my stomach but it refused to be plucked just as easily. And so in the deepened shadows of our room, I almost stifled my cries.

The streaming tears that might stain my already pallid face did little to quell the incessant throbbing of my heart. Summer’s heat blistered me too well…left me burnt, shaken, but just enough to survive.

The beauty of the feeling filled my heart with bliss, so brief that I barely had the chance to cup it in my hands and feel the fluttering of its magical wings. It was pure joy, Fleeting, Brief, Enchanting…

Love took me on a momentary flight, but left me a moment to cherish. In the pockets of my mind, it has found its place. In the chambers of my heart, it has carved its niche, and in my solitude has named its silence.

It brought me tears but left a smile on my lips, faith in my judgment and hope in my heart that maybe; I’d meet love again at the road’s next bend.

.

PS: This piece was written by me(myself) last April 2005:

Ash

about ME ^^

2006-07-04T08:00:00.000+08:00

♥ i think. i speak. i write. ♥

best buddies often thought that am someone who has a good head on her shoulders and feet firmly planted on the ground. (o__0) hmp. (jeeh- -ambot lang) heheh. hmm Just call me ASHELY or simply ASH. I grew up thinking I was a freak but then I realized that it's totally OK to be different. hehe. hmp. :-) i live in the Southbound of Mindanao, Pi. Am not much interesting person to know but definitely extraordinary and sensible. Not particularly romantic but interested in action. I mean business. What I see is what I get. (a brat.. bwahah!) Sometimes i have no patience and can't be bothered with someone trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. I am an up front person. I appear to be passionate and being much more adventurous. Actually, I'm not a party animal but I can be when occasion demands. I'm not the type of girl who goes out on weekends. I don't need to be with friends more often and go to bars to have fun. I prefer to stay home then watch movies and surf the net, or go to my fave food shops near my house to refresh and unwind, and read a lot.

I graduated from Notre Dame of Dadiangas College (..now a UNIVERSITY) with a degree in Accountancy, and hopefully be one of the next year's (2007) Mindanao State University or MSUans law student or (if by chance) a UP-Dil's wannabe, aspiring to top the bar in year 2012 (eii, jk only) ^_^ but half true hehee. Don't you know that "school" is one of my biggest frustration? Know why? Because i'm the youngest freak in the family and the only daughter ever alive. I really wanted to enroll myself in one of the prestigous schools here in Pi like UP, La Salle, Mapua, Adamson, San Beda... just like those but my parents especially my father didn't allow me to spend my college that far unlike my two big bros because "i'm a girl" and my parents thinks that i need to be taken care of. So, for me, it'll remain just a "dream", a dream that has "zero" possibilities.

But right now, i got the job at stake and been giving me enough paveway to soar up high. wohoooh. Lucky enough! and I consider success when you've earned the respect of the people you look up to and seeing them as a role model to which persuades me to go further and do better things. There's no end to what all of us can do for others. So dont give up. But there's this quote sayin... "winners never quit, and quiters never win, so those who never quits and never wins are idiots". hahah, so life is never perfect at all, as what i'm sayin, i'm just behind imperfection. ^^ But when I feel like giving up, I just tell myself to just do it. Because I know afterwards that it'll feel better than I stuck through it and didn't allow things to just pass me by.

And my significance should not be based on my accomplishments or other people's opinions. As long as I'm doing what's right, the Lord will accept me. I once thought I needed a position or title to feel important, but it's not necessary at all.

...the pillars of my life are my family and my friends. without them i would not be who i am today. i'm often misunderstood but to be honest i don't care what other people say as long as i know the truth and i've got the people i love by my side. i believe that when you love someone nothing is too difficult or impossible to overcome. i believe that it's not just love that holds a friendship together but respect as well because when you respect a person everything else will follow. i would risk life and limb for those i love, and remain passionate about my beliefs because a life without passion is a life without purpose. we can have the most trivial conversation or go into the depths of our minds, all i need to see is the truth in your eyes and i will trust you, the same way i hope you'll trust me. if you get to know me as well. ^^

On the other side, i love POLITICS and be the HOPE of my country someday. i always have clean intention and flexible in attitude, i love to mingle or deal with different peeps especially to the masses. i love helping out in my own special way but up to the extent of my capability. i love meeting you and be my friend. take note, ♥ JUST FRIENDS ♥

However, I don't go around advertising these qualities. My physical needs are my primary concern.

Take care ol of ya pEepaH. Hope it's worth ur while stayin here in my website! ^^

♥♥♥

Ashely

WELCOME TO MY PAGE

2006-07-02T09:10:00.000+08:00

I don't know what brought you to my site, but maybe you believe as I do that everything happens for a reason. As you continue to read on, you may sense a knowing that it is your time to accelerate past, those old patterns that keep you stuck. I was always very sure of what I wanted to do when I was a kid. It was very comforting and I was filled with the purpose of that aim. Sure, the actual thing I was going to do changes every 2 or 3 times as I progressed but the certainty of the chosen thing stuck with me for those few years until it morphed. Shortly before I left school and was due to enter the world of work I lost that sense of certainty. I had begun to ask questions about life and the meaning of it all -- and I began seeking the ultimate purpose and my particular 'mission', my ideal work.

♥

Having a peculiar capacity to see myself in all kinds of situations, I rapidly became very confused and remained in that confusion for many time. Even today I still feel it, like a cloud obscuring my future. I looked for someone to solve this dilemma for me. Someone who could tell me the secret of my life. In an amazingly short time I went from being in an unhealthy relationship to finding my life partner but it doesn't work well that way. I always believed there was but one sky. Though blind to the future, I take the road not marked on my map. I believe there'll be a new sky somewhere beyond loneliness and our footsteps continue under separate skies. "Sayonara", I told him, til' our fate reunites. Afew months back I quit my job that was draining all my energy. The more I looked for The Answer, the less likely it seemed I would ever find it. And all my looking, all my waiting for the answer to manifest, led me to what to most is the obvious answer: There is no purpose. Life couldn't give a flying fig of what I do. The only purpose life 'cares' about is procreation... my biological purpose is to procreate and further the continuation of the species. Do I just roll over and die?

♥

All of a sudden I was able to do the things that I wanted with my time. So I find myself in this scrumptious moment - right NOW! - realizing that "Life" doesn't care what I do (I know that by the fact that I can choose to do or not to do). Not only that but really my family, friends and associates don't care what I do. Because everyone is living the ME experience and can never really totally care about someone else's choices. Other people come and go, but "I" remain. So, the only person who really cares what I do and what happens to me... is ME! Everyone is on their own special journey that we call life, but as different as each journey is, there is an underlying map that ties every journey together like the rivers that connect the small streams to the ocean. The fact that you are here searching for answers means that you are ready to take action. There is no reason to settle for something less than what you want your life to look like. Earlier to this, I noticed that I was hypersensitive to senseless noise. I regularly yell at noisy things. I drive without the radio on, and this unnerves people who know me well, as I am normally a chatterbox. But sometimes the joy of being a chatterbox is in those times you are silent. I like silence just as well as I like the sound of my own voice. I like hearing my own thoughts. I like stillness, and being alone doesn't unnerve me as badly as it does other people. Silence allows me to be more of myself, and when you are no longer afraid of that, that's when you discover that you have the room to think, to grow, and to be. So, in a way, I welcome the prospect of temporary deafness. It saves me from having to disembowel people on a regular basis, and best of it all, it keeps me sane in a society obsessed with noise. So keep track on what makes you happy and be progressive. Don't learn to do, but learn in doing. Let your falls not be on a prepared ground, but let them be bona fide falls in the rough and tumble of the world.

duo xie pengyu

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ASH