i gOt a viRus...

and it's called procrastination. and it's killing me. I got lotta work to do but I just can't seem to finish them. It's killing me to work on it. I know that I once I get in the zone I won’t be able to stop, so why won't I push myself until I'm into it? Been dragging my feet on paying my bills this month. I know feelings of debt bring negative energy Why was I holding onto my money like that? I'm consulting from home so I can focus on my book. A coworker has been proofreading it and she's had it for over a month. She's been avoiding me when I email her. Finally I just told her to give it up. She hasn’t made one comment about the book. Cool, she doesn't like it. I'm not expecting everybody to like it, just like I'm not expecting everybody to like me. But now I'm a little pissed. Would it have killed her to give me some obligatory line like, "seems interesting..." That was what my mother said when she scanned it for all of 20 seconds. it was enough for me, even though I could tell it wasn't her cup of tea. I need to write my inquiry letter to try to get an agent but have I been doing that? No. What am I scared of? My greatest joy is when I get to go to bed at night and when I get to take food breaks in front of the TV during the day. This can't be good. So I try and psychobabble myself. What is the benefit of procrastinating? That’s easy; I don’t have to deal. I don’t have to feel the pressure. But of course in not doing I’m creating more pressure, plus anxiety, plus disappointment. I've been watching some reality series and thinking how much better off I would be if I had a Life Coach on my behind everyday. That’s what I need, someone to stay on my butt. I’ve never been particularly self-motivated, except when I become passionate about something. I don’t particularly like that about myself. It's not like I don't believe in myself. So what’s my problem? &*%$$*()@ ^^