SecLuded

As I walk down the street passing the many people who are none the wiser, I have a sickening pain running through my veins. It is the loneliness I feel that has built up inside me into a volcano of frustration, hatred and bitterness. I hate that I am alone. I am walking alone, I am going home alone, I am eating alone and I am sleeping alone. Life isn't fair; why am I the only one who feels this way. Everyone walking along this street looks normal, happy and content. No one could possibly know the resentment I feel towards them; people I don't even know.

Everyday I ask myself "what did I do to deserve this?" and "how do I make it go away?" I am stifled with the loneliness that consumes me. Should I kill myself? Should I move away? Thinking maybe it would be better someplace else. Maybe I am going insane and need medication? Besides a few good friends, my only comfort is watching TV, but only for a short period of time. Then the horrible feelings come back. Maybe sleep will help, but will I live through the night? I feel dead inside. I don't like feeling dead. So I wander on to bed with high hopes that I can go right to sleep escaping the day that seems to have lasted weeks. I fall into slumber immediately and actually wake up the next morning with a clear head and a glimmer of hope that life will be easier on this day. It is a bit better than the day before. And the next day is a little bit better again.

Is time actually working on my loneliness? Had I reached rock bottom and there was nowhere to go but up? I worry that I will fall back into the pits of hell and every once in a while I do - I slip into that deep depression of loneliness. At least as time goes on I begin to recognize when the feeling is getting ready to consume me and I have learned what I need to do to ward it off.

♥
Ash